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Sunday, November 10, 2013

The Past Two Years of Pop Culture (aka She's Just Bein' Miley for One of Them)

So I had this killer gem of an idea when Dana told me Miley was smoking a joint on stage: let's do a two-year round-up of all the vital pop cultural events that Davis surely hasn't been keeping tabs on. Right now all I've got in my head is Miley Cyrus, so please offer suggestions and I'll add them on.

Come on in! Click below.

1) She's just being Miley. Miley shed her Hannah Montana image a bunch of times. She's like a snake. It's like every summer we get a new Miley, and I love it. I adoooore her. From her black-taped nipples to her wrecking ball humping, Miley isn't the same girl D sang about wanting to know.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

And just as a disclaimer, Miley can do whatever she wants. I just think the juxtaposition of David singing I Wanna Know You with her versus her new image is pretty fabulous and how can I not dwell in that fabulousness?

But anyone who says they don't like the actual SONG Wrecking Ball is lying. I'm just really uncomfortable with her riding that ball naked. I mean, that's like asking for an infection, no?

2) I don't think Jennifer Lawrence ruled the universe when D left, did she? Well, D has to know about Jennifer Lawrence. She is the best thing that's ever happened to the universe. Like, who doesn't love her? He'll have to check out Silver Linings Playbook, or perhaps Vulture's BFF of the year award post. She's fabulous.

3) Fun. took off and won some Grammys. This is notable mostly so I can post Some Nights. Sorry. I don't care if you think it was overplayed. It just so happens to be one of the greatest song ever. I mean, that's all.

4) Also, Hunter Hayes! Featuring Jason Mraz and Kina Grannis!

5) The Civil Wars broke out into a civil war. I still don't understand what's happening? Like, Joy seems so nice? How is there conflict? Everyone is very upset they lived up to their name.

6) Buzzfeed became the best work procrastination tool. I am not sure how many different lists about animals or awkwardness I've read between work projects, but it's a lot. Where would I be without this list of 28 Dogs Having A Worse Day than me? Or these 26 Moments That Restore Your Faith In Humanity? I'd probably be fine, but it is a nice place to get gifs.

7) The Fox.

8) Kanye and Kim Kardashian are a thing now. They have a baby named North West.

9) Kris Allen had a son he kindly named after my own son -- Oliver. Joy Williams also had a son, who has hung out with Taylor Swift.
Adele had a son. Brooke White had a daughter, as did Carly Smithson. All babies are cute.

10) Imagine Dragons became the hottest Mormon act. They're, like, all over the radio. It's cray.

11) Amanda Bynes was sadly put in the hospital on a mental hold. This isn't remotely funny so I am not saying anything but that. I hope she gets better!

12) Justin Timberlake started doing music again. Twice. As one of the only people in the universe that sort of hates Justin Timberlake (hey, I liked him in the Facebook movie and when he sang Hallelujah in the Hope for Haiti thing!), I don't understand why he had to release two albums. Why.

Also, why did he only let the other members of N'Sync out of their cages for like 20 seconds, you guys? What was that? That seemed so cruel...

13) A new Boy Meets World show is in the works, called Girl Meets World!!!!!!!!

14) Sara Bareilles released a new single, which Katy Perry then released 6 months later. I mean, what?

15) Charice came out as a lesbian (good for her!), but now her mom says she's not? I am not sure. Good for her, whatever. Just do you, girl!

16) There is a new Pope, and he is named Francis, and he's actually getting positive media coverage. Yeah, everyone else is confused by this, too...

17) The Jonas Brothers broke up. No, I'm not really sure how brothers break up. They just did. OK? Geez.

18) One Direction is the new Justin Bieber, who is currently having some sort of breakdown involving brothels and having his assistants carry him up the Great Wall of China.

Bieber -- can we discuss this for a moment? Biebz, honey. Baby. Sweetie. Isn't one of the JOYS of seeing a huge outdoor landmark like the Great Wall CLIMBING it? Maybe I'm just a weirdo, but the whole WOOO EXPLORE OUT OF BREATH SWEAAAT factor in seeing exquisite things like the Great Wall is THE BEST PART. I know you think Selena broke your heart and all that jazz, Biebz, but she was really always too hot for you. ...are Beliebers gonna attack me, now? I am scared.

Also, wasn't this number about One Direction? I really have nothing to add about One Direction, you guys. Maybe I can ask Dana's little sister. Taylor dating Harry was the only time I truly disapproved of her dating life. Like, gurrrl, you went from Jake Gyllenhaal to an 18-year-old? Hum. I think the only positive thing I can add here is Ed Sheeran is pretty great. I love Ed.

19) A 17-year-old named Lorde from New Zealand had a random minimalist breakout hit this year. I'd link to that video, but I really prefer this version...

20) I think Instagram is more of a thing now than it was before? Or perhaps I just say that because I use it to post pictures of my dog. I actually don't even follow many celebs...though the ones I do are really random...Justin Bieber, Taytay, Lena Dunham, Jack Antonoff, Andrew McMahon, Snooki, Zooey Deschanel, Ben Savage, and Ashley Tisdale? Weird, or weird? Weird. But Lena posts so many pics of her dog! ! ! And Snooki's baby is soooo cute. I want him.

21) Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes got divorced, Kris Jenner and Bruce Jenner are separated, and Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart broke up. Is there no true love left?

22) Blockbuster is dead.

23) A new future king has been birthed, and his name is George. Perhaps it is the Royal Baby's fault Prince Harry was partying with Ryan Lochte the swimmer in Vegas. Was Blue Ivy born when D left? I'd say Blue Ivy is another royal baby.

24) A white rapper released a song promoting gay marriage and it became a huge hit. Like, really. Is this real life? I mean, I heard it on the radio IN THE SOUTH the first time I heard it. It's a huge hit. Macklemore also had the notable hit about thrift store shopping.

I think it's really lovely and I know people have some bogus complaints about a straight man singing about gay love, but as far as I heard, the sales from this record actually goes toward gay charities, and he brought the issue extremely mainstream, so good on you, Benlemore.

25) Honey Boo Boo brought Georgia outskirts class mainstream. You guys, I don't care what any haters say about this family -- THEY ARE SO FABULOUS. I ADORE THEM. They just OOZE love. They are the greatest, and I wish people would focus more on how loving and wonderful and accepting they are than how country.

26) Catfish also became a thing. I don't know how to explain this, you guys, how do I explain this? It's an MTV show with a really hot ambiguously gay duo (btw, did you know Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell VOICED the ambiguously gay duo? MIND BLOWN) who seek out people in online relationships who have never met their other half, and help them find their other half, except 99% of the time the person isn't who they say they are.

I'll Catfish you any day, Nev and Max. :*

27) Vine became the Instagram of 6-second video clips, which then was replaced with Instagram's video function. Damn, Instagram -- that was cold.

28) Should I talk about poor, beleaguered, racist Paula Deen, who admitted to saying the n-word...a lot? And got dropped by all her sponsorships, and is basically unemployed now? Well, don't talk about Paula Deen unless you want a mouthful. WHITE PEOPLE: WHY IS IT SOOOO HARD FOR YOU TO JUST *NOT* SAY THE N WORD, TO *NOT* DRESS UP AS "INDIANS" OR "ASIANS"? What are you losing? Except the void where you dignity once lived, nothing.

29) YOLO? Tan mom? Sharknado? I am not sure these should have separate numbers, mostly because I am not sure how to wax poetic about them... YOLO is dumb; Tan Mom is...um...; and Sharknado was the last thing Cory Monteith tweeted about. :'(

30) This number is reserved for bad things. :( Not everything is fluffy pop culture and lightness.
- The Aurora, CO, theater shooting, where 12 people were killed during a midnight showing of the new Batman movie
- The the Newtown, CT, shooting, where 28 people died, including the shooter and his mother, and many of them very young children
- The Boston Marathon bombing, where 5 people died and over 280 were injured
- The massive typhoon that just hit the Philippines and killed approximately 10,000 people
- Cory Monteith dying of a drug overdose
It's been a rough few years.

A big thank you to Betsy, Janey, and Dana for their contributions. Please let me know if I am forgetting something.

A sister post should be top 20 songs to listen to, no? I'll need help with that one because I've just been listening to James Wolpert's version of Case of You on repeat (don't judge me, OK) and I really don't think that's appropriate. That, and I'd just add Some Nights, All Too Well, The Fox, and Walt Grace's Submarine Test. Oh, and Sara B's Satellite Call.


betsy said...

This was a pleasure to read.
I love that you randomly threw a Joe Biden gif in there. One of my favorites. :)

M. Day said...

Haha, I messed up.

Joey B is always relevant.

Can I post images in my comment?

Drat! I can't.